The light shone through the crack in the curtains. Pulled together, but never quite shut. The man sat in the darkness with his hand positioned a few inches in front of his eyes. A halfhearted attempt to keep the sunshine from stealing away the preferred absence of light.
Darkness matched his mood. The black of night hid his heart. Light betrayed his pursuit of lonely isolation. Depression was his only friend. His companion that never left. All others were agents of betrayal, filled with smooth talking promises, which never came to pass.
Life was existence, nothing more. Everything else was a fraud. A ruse of meaningless attempts to justify something more than just being. Because being is all there is; there is nothing else.
So, let the darkness come in. Keep the light at bay. Cold is my heart and comfortable I am with the emptiness it holds. For I am the man, and depression is my friend. Please don’t pull back the curtain. Don’t let the light in. Don’t tell me there is purpose or something more. For I welcome the darkness of night but reject the cruel temptress of false hope. I have danced with her before, and she broke my heart. Never again.
Let the darkness prevail, keep the curtains closed and let depression take his place at my side, in my heart in my mind. For I will embrace my companion, dark as he is, for he is loyal and will never leave me.
Ok… !!!!
That was dark and depressing, and very real. It is a realistic glimpse of the prison of depression I once lived in. Darkness of the soul that is so overwhelming, I became friends with it. I gave myself over to the sense of hopelessness that strangely became the one and only thing that gave me comfort. Hope, love, peace and purpose seemed to be transient drifters in my life that wanted to steal away the comfort of despair, which had taken up residence in the depths of my being. Sounds crazy!
I now speak openly of this brutal, deceptive darkness. Why? Because I have met so many others who are entrenched in the battle with the enemy that wants to be their only companion…depression.
I am no longer in a relationship with this Dark Prince! I found hope! I found purpose! I found freedom!
Depression, for some… is a disease. A chemical imbalance that can be treated with medication.
Me, I found my way out through realizing that there was light attempting to shine through. I found my way out through realizing who I was in the eyes of God. I found my way out by reading the stories about Jesus, and what He did for me, and how much He loves me.
He and I became friends, and… depression had to go! He was no longer welcome. I began to find that the more I focused on God and His love and forgiveness and grace, the less depression wanted to hang around. My focus became less about me and more about Jesus. Then, I began to see others as He did. Light was breaking through! God helped me, not only open the curtains, but rip them down! Let the light of Jesus Christ shine in! Let the light of His Word dispel the darkness.
If you struggle with the darkness of depression, I want to say… Don’t give up! Get Help! There is hope! There is freedom! There is light, not just at the end of the tunnel, but in the tunnel!
And, you are not alone! Many people fight the private battle of depression. Don’t fight it by yourself! Find someone to fight with you! And look to the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ! He is the light in the darkness.
It has been a few years since I ended my friendship with depression. Sometimes he still comes around. He knocks on the door. He even breaks in occasionally. The problem is… all the curtains are open now and he has nowhere to sit, nowhere to hide. The darkness is no longer welcome, because the Light has come.
Psalm 43:3
O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me;
Let them bring me to Your holy hill And to Your dwelling places.
Unwritten 